Facing About.
I've tried more than ever. I will keep trying. Facing yourself is something that's never finished, for me that is. One word answers no longer cut it. My wife wants all of me. She deserves that. An anonymous comment on the last post has me thinking. I have a habit of not thinking. It's easier that way. I'm finding out that it's not a good habit.
"Do something. Do anything even if it's wrong. Don't just stand there."
Words I've lived by for many years now. Words I heard in army training. Words I heard again in police academy training. Words I said myself as a firearms instructor at the academy. Words that I've mistakenly applied to every aspect of my life. I don't think the instructors who imparted those lessons really meant for them to be applied that way. But it worked for me, until now. Now I do have to just stand there. Now I do have to accept what's happening because it's really not in my power to change it. What is in my power, is like Anonymous said. What is in my power is to change me. I'm forty-six years old. I'm a stubborn blockhead. This will be no easy task.
Things have been going a little better since my last post. What I have done is a temporary fix. What I have done is to do whatever it is she wants done when she wants it done whether I agree or not. I know that's not the whole solution but it really does help. Besides, my wife is very smart and I really can't go wrong following her lead.
The Parrot is quietly talking to himself while I write this. I just got him a little treat. It's Bird Bread. My wife makes it from a recipe she found on-line. The younger baby girl and me, we made the current batch. It's corn bread with veggies and peanut butter and cheese. It's healthy and The Parrot loves it. I broke up a small piece for The Love Bird too.
Christmas was good here. I had to go to work at midnight and run a trailer over to one of our bigger stores. The holiday schedule. I have to do the same thing tonight, well Friday morning at 0100. Two stops. Easy shift. I'll be done early and the boss will probably let me go home when I'm done. I'll get paid for eight hours. It's his way of thanking me for not bitching about the extra overnight holiday schedule trips. He did that last week when I took that Christmas night run without complaining. I'm just glad I have a job. I'm not bitching about anything.
In my profile statement at the top of this page it states that I'm this simple guy. It states that life is good. The second part is still true. I mean it's not good that my wife has cancer. It is good that our kids are healthy and doing well. The simple guy thing. That's one of those things I have to look at. Being the simple guy ain't workin' to well these days. I'm not sayin' that being a simple guy is bad 'cause it's not. In my case, being a simple guy is a way of avoiding stuff. So in my case being a simple guy is something I can no longer get away with. I can still have simple taste. I can still enjoy simple pleasures 'cause I do. I just can't be that one word answer simple guy when it comes to the real deal. Life just ain't all that simple anymore.
I got an e-mail from my cousin. He's a Teamster too. He drives a beer truck in New England. He's a funny guy. I always liked him.
"Do something. Do anything even if it's wrong. Don't just stand there."
Words I've lived by for many years now. Words I heard in army training. Words I heard again in police academy training. Words I said myself as a firearms instructor at the academy. Words that I've mistakenly applied to every aspect of my life. I don't think the instructors who imparted those lessons really meant for them to be applied that way. But it worked for me, until now. Now I do have to just stand there. Now I do have to accept what's happening because it's really not in my power to change it. What is in my power, is like Anonymous said. What is in my power is to change me. I'm forty-six years old. I'm a stubborn blockhead. This will be no easy task.
Things have been going a little better since my last post. What I have done is a temporary fix. What I have done is to do whatever it is she wants done when she wants it done whether I agree or not. I know that's not the whole solution but it really does help. Besides, my wife is very smart and I really can't go wrong following her lead.
The Parrot is quietly talking to himself while I write this. I just got him a little treat. It's Bird Bread. My wife makes it from a recipe she found on-line. The younger baby girl and me, we made the current batch. It's corn bread with veggies and peanut butter and cheese. It's healthy and The Parrot loves it. I broke up a small piece for The Love Bird too.
Christmas was good here. I had to go to work at midnight and run a trailer over to one of our bigger stores. The holiday schedule. I have to do the same thing tonight, well Friday morning at 0100. Two stops. Easy shift. I'll be done early and the boss will probably let me go home when I'm done. I'll get paid for eight hours. It's his way of thanking me for not bitching about the extra overnight holiday schedule trips. He did that last week when I took that Christmas night run without complaining. I'm just glad I have a job. I'm not bitching about anything.
In my profile statement at the top of this page it states that I'm this simple guy. It states that life is good. The second part is still true. I mean it's not good that my wife has cancer. It is good that our kids are healthy and doing well. The simple guy thing. That's one of those things I have to look at. Being the simple guy ain't workin' to well these days. I'm not sayin' that being a simple guy is bad 'cause it's not. In my case, being a simple guy is a way of avoiding stuff. So in my case being a simple guy is something I can no longer get away with. I can still have simple taste. I can still enjoy simple pleasures 'cause I do. I just can't be that one word answer simple guy when it comes to the real deal. Life just ain't all that simple anymore.
I got an e-mail from my cousin. He's a Teamster too. He drives a beer truck in New England. He's a funny guy. I always liked him.
posted by Squarehead at 1:46 PM
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