Sunday, August 13, 2006

Italy.

Never been there, would like to go some day. Rode my Harley out to Tulsa once, shot some pool, had a few beers with an old friend. Someday I want to take my wife to Europe. I was in Germany a couple times, was in the army then.

I was just outside with the dogs, had a smoke. Every now and then you light up a cigarette that just tastes so damn good. Clear sky tonight, nice and cool. All seemed right with the world, a few perfectly still moments and I started to cry. Don't know why, it just happened. Not a sad cry, no tears of joy either, just crying a little bit. Thought maybe I was feeling sorry for myself, but I wasn't. Got nothing to feel sorry about. Glad no one saw, that would suck.

It's got to be like almost twenty years ago when I held that newborn little girl, she was dead. Did CPR, tried like hell. This other guy I was with said I wasn't doing it right, he took her and did it right. He ran to the medics who were responding, wasn't in time. The mother was screaming at me, not to let her baby die. I had to hold her up, keep her from hurting herself. Later on I cried, apologized to my sergeant. He said not to worry about it, some of the other guys were crying a little too. Next time I ran into a situation like that I did CPR like text book perfect, that baby died too. I didn't cry as much that time.

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