Rain.
Thunder storm, just now rolling away. Didn't get much done today. Got home from work about midnight last night. We start earlier on Fridays, get out earlier too. She was already at her job when I got home, she called me a little later. I set the alarm for 0500 and took a shower, cleaned up the kitchen and had coffee ready, she got home at 0645. We hung out 'til ten, just talking, goofing out with the kids and dogs and birds. When she went to bed, I passed out on the couch, slept 'til almost five.
Been thinking lately, not always a good idea. I'm good at reacting, but really thinking?..................
I don't know, right after I typed that last question mark I went out for a smoke. See what I mean? Just seems like................Well I'm gonna save this as a draft, think about it some, then maybe I'll have the right words.
Put some brats in the skillet, she got them for me and I wanted to do them on the grill but the rain won't let me. Real low heat, let 'em cook slow for a long time. Brats in the skillet, that helps me think.
So I wrote about this guy I know, the artist and activist guy. The guy who's always involved in the community, doing the right thing, giving back. I suggested a book to him, he gave me a book to read as well. It's called "America Beyond Capitalism" by Gar Alperovitz. It's the kind of book that you really have to absorb, makes you think and that's not always easy for me. The kind of book that makes you question yourself, face your own prejudice. I have been reading this book for a few months now, I usually read much faster than that. I have to keep putting it down, reading certain sections over, thinking about it. All this thinking, takes me into areas I'd rather avoid, things I'd rather not think about, like myself. There, I said it.
Someone asked me recently, how did I deal with the fact that in an instant my life changed so much. It was a reference to injuries sustained when I was a cop, injuries that caused me to retire. My wife and I have been dealing with financial stuff, pension is less than I earned, we both work to bring the ends together. Sometimes those ends are a bit short. We are in the same boat with millions of others, nothing new here. In an instant my life did change, I lost that big blue wall. That blue wall is very real, speaking just for me however, that wall was a facade.
Been thinking lately, not always a good idea. I'm good at reacting, but really thinking?..................
I don't know, right after I typed that last question mark I went out for a smoke. See what I mean? Just seems like................Well I'm gonna save this as a draft, think about it some, then maybe I'll have the right words.
Put some brats in the skillet, she got them for me and I wanted to do them on the grill but the rain won't let me. Real low heat, let 'em cook slow for a long time. Brats in the skillet, that helps me think.
So I wrote about this guy I know, the artist and activist guy. The guy who's always involved in the community, doing the right thing, giving back. I suggested a book to him, he gave me a book to read as well. It's called "America Beyond Capitalism" by Gar Alperovitz. It's the kind of book that you really have to absorb, makes you think and that's not always easy for me. The kind of book that makes you question yourself, face your own prejudice. I have been reading this book for a few months now, I usually read much faster than that. I have to keep putting it down, reading certain sections over, thinking about it. All this thinking, takes me into areas I'd rather avoid, things I'd rather not think about, like myself. There, I said it.
Someone asked me recently, how did I deal with the fact that in an instant my life changed so much. It was a reference to injuries sustained when I was a cop, injuries that caused me to retire. My wife and I have been dealing with financial stuff, pension is less than I earned, we both work to bring the ends together. Sometimes those ends are a bit short. We are in the same boat with millions of others, nothing new here. In an instant my life did change, I lost that big blue wall. That blue wall is very real, speaking just for me however, that wall was a facade.
Insecure, always searching for validation. It was the same with the army, had this need to belong, one of the team. I was not a glory hound, but I saved every newspaper clipping with my name in it. Seems so stupid now, kind of embarrassing even. I'm gonna go for now, got some more thinking to do. That band Widespread Panic is on Austin City Limits, first a cigarette then enjoy some music. Brats need to be turned, have to take the dogs out before it starts raining again. Rain changes everything sometimes.
posted by Squarehead at 9:01 PM
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