Results.
The doctor called.
Wednesday night, 23 April. I was at work and I called home on my lunch break. She said the doctor called at seven o'clock. The doctor said the Sentinel Node Biopsy results came back positive. the doctor said he was very surprised. The doctor said that nothing indicates an invasive cancer, except the Sentinel Lymph Node Biopsy. The doctor said they found a tumor inside the Sentinel Node. The doctor said this will add an hour or more to her upcoming scheduled surgery. The doctor said she will need Chemotherapy.
She was shocked. She cried. Chemo scares her more than the cancer itself. She saw what it did to her father. She did not cry when she was on the phone with me. She asked me if I was okay. I lied and said I was.
I was still on my lunch break so I went outside off The Dock and sat in my old Jeep. I put the radio on and listened to some jazz on 90.5 DUQ Pittsburgh. The music came through the two good speakers that still work in that good old Jeep. I drank a cold can of Pepsi and smoked a couple cigarettes.
The doctors all said that hers was a case of very early detection. The doctors all said that it was so wonderful, they were going to be able to treat her without Chemotherapy. The doctors all said. The doctors should know, they are all very good doctors and experts in their chosen fields. The doctors all work at The Hillman Cancer Center, and the big UPMC hospitals down in Pittsburgh. The doctors all said. The doctors were wrong and they don't know why.
My wife is no longer a very lucky woman who was diagnosed with stage zero D.C.I.S.. My wife is now a woman who has cancer that has spread and the doctors don't know why. She is a stage two or three at this point. We will find out more on Monday.
Last night we sat and talked when I got home from work at around one in the morning. We each had a beer. That is unusual for us, to have a beer during the work week. She wanted to say some things. She wanted to talk about what would happen if she doesn't make it. I did not want to talk about that. It was not up to me. She made me promise that I would be there for the girls. Of course I will. She made me promise that I would move on with my life so that they would move on as well. I told her that the older baby girl is going away to college in the fall like she planned. I told her that I would sell the house and quit my job if I had to. I told her I could rent something and live off my cop pension and be home for the younger baby girl. You can still do that around here. You can rent something affordable if you have to. The Greed Monger Yuppie Scum From Hell have not ruined this Blue Collar Paradise, yet.
Her mind is spinning. I guess it would. Her thoughts are all over the place. She is going to teach me her book keeping methods, and how she pays the bills. I'm going to have to take that over, for now at least. She has a long road ahead of her. Recovering from surgery, then the Chemotherapy that will kill her as it cures her. I am going to have to step up to the plate like I never have before. I am going to have to be as strong as she is. Real strength, not just my stupid guy kind of strength. I can't ride a Harley and make this all better, if I still had a Harley. I can't jump out of a perfectly good aircraft and fix this. There is nothing in my toolbox that will help. I have to be like her. I have to face this honestly.
I want to say the moon was out. I don't remember if it was. I want to say I saw a sign. I don't remember if I did. I want to say my prayers are being answered. I don't know if they are.
Hey Tommy. The calender hanging on the kitchen wall here in this drafty old house says today is Good Friday............Pretty funny, huh bro?...........
Wednesday night, 23 April. I was at work and I called home on my lunch break. She said the doctor called at seven o'clock. The doctor said the Sentinel Node Biopsy results came back positive. the doctor said he was very surprised. The doctor said that nothing indicates an invasive cancer, except the Sentinel Lymph Node Biopsy. The doctor said they found a tumor inside the Sentinel Node. The doctor said this will add an hour or more to her upcoming scheduled surgery. The doctor said she will need Chemotherapy.
She was shocked. She cried. Chemo scares her more than the cancer itself. She saw what it did to her father. She did not cry when she was on the phone with me. She asked me if I was okay. I lied and said I was.
I was still on my lunch break so I went outside off The Dock and sat in my old Jeep. I put the radio on and listened to some jazz on 90.5 DUQ Pittsburgh. The music came through the two good speakers that still work in that good old Jeep. I drank a cold can of Pepsi and smoked a couple cigarettes.
The doctors all said that hers was a case of very early detection. The doctors all said that it was so wonderful, they were going to be able to treat her without Chemotherapy. The doctors all said. The doctors should know, they are all very good doctors and experts in their chosen fields. The doctors all work at The Hillman Cancer Center, and the big UPMC hospitals down in Pittsburgh. The doctors all said. The doctors were wrong and they don't know why.
My wife is no longer a very lucky woman who was diagnosed with stage zero D.C.I.S.. My wife is now a woman who has cancer that has spread and the doctors don't know why. She is a stage two or three at this point. We will find out more on Monday.
Last night we sat and talked when I got home from work at around one in the morning. We each had a beer. That is unusual for us, to have a beer during the work week. She wanted to say some things. She wanted to talk about what would happen if she doesn't make it. I did not want to talk about that. It was not up to me. She made me promise that I would be there for the girls. Of course I will. She made me promise that I would move on with my life so that they would move on as well. I told her that the older baby girl is going away to college in the fall like she planned. I told her that I would sell the house and quit my job if I had to. I told her I could rent something and live off my cop pension and be home for the younger baby girl. You can still do that around here. You can rent something affordable if you have to. The Greed Monger Yuppie Scum From Hell have not ruined this Blue Collar Paradise, yet.
Her mind is spinning. I guess it would. Her thoughts are all over the place. She is going to teach me her book keeping methods, and how she pays the bills. I'm going to have to take that over, for now at least. She has a long road ahead of her. Recovering from surgery, then the Chemotherapy that will kill her as it cures her. I am going to have to step up to the plate like I never have before. I am going to have to be as strong as she is. Real strength, not just my stupid guy kind of strength. I can't ride a Harley and make this all better, if I still had a Harley. I can't jump out of a perfectly good aircraft and fix this. There is nothing in my toolbox that will help. I have to be like her. I have to face this honestly.
I want to say the moon was out. I don't remember if it was. I want to say I saw a sign. I don't remember if I did. I want to say my prayers are being answered. I don't know if they are.
Hey Tommy. The calender hanging on the kitchen wall here in this drafty old house says today is Good Friday............Pretty funny, huh bro?...........
posted by Squarehead at 10:03 AM
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