Mister Cairo.
I received an e-mail from England. That's a first for me. It seems that these good people at a website called http://www.postoftheweek.com/ selected one of my posts as Post Of The Week. The post they selected is titled New Tears. 20OCT07.
At first I was happy to be recognized for my writing. Conflicted is how I felt next. My wife never reads my blog. I had to ask her to read New Tears. She liked it. She thinks it's good that I'm writing about it. She said it's good that I have an outlet. After sharing this with her, I no longer feel conflicted. I feel honored to have been chosen. It means a lot to me.
I have been trying my hand at this writing thing for several years now. I wrote a novel, that novel sucks. I am trying to write another one, it's on FictionSquared, my other blog. Old cop stories, old war stories. It's all been done before. Now this. Now breast cancer. Now something so real.
My wife wants me to keep going. She wants me to share this. It is certainly not what I want to write about. Breast cancer was never the topic I envisioned myself discussing with Charlie Rose at the big oak table on PBS. One of those daydreams I share only with my wife.
Have to go for now. More to say later. It's birthday dinner day for our older daughter who is nineteen tomorrow, o5NOV......Doing it all today. Tomorrow she's got classes all day, then works at the pharmacy 'til nine o'clock at night......Roast beef, mashed potatoes and green beans with lots of gravy. That's her favorite.
Yes. That was good dinner. After we ate, the birthday girl and her boyfriend went up to the college. She had to take a test on the computer there. They were back in an hour, we had coffee and birthday cake. The girls and the boyfriend are all settled in the living room watching Cabin Boy on DVD. It is a funny movie. My wife just went upstairs to take a nap. She's going back to work tonight at midnight, her regular third shift routine. She's a little bit apprehensive. It's understandable given the circumstances. The doctor said she's clear to return to the plant. I don't want her to go, but I know she should.
Yeah, today is a really good day. We cleaned and cooked and listened to music. Last night things got a little romantic. Our relationship is changing, for the better. We are both looking at each other through new eyes. We are both seeing what it was that brought us together in the first place.
So the doctor says she has time. He says not years, but time. She has to decide when to schedule the next round of surgery. She has to decide when to have her breasts removed.
We have been talking a lot about this. Hours of conversation. I try to just listen, only say something when I have to. These are her decisions, I think she's making good ones. From all that we have read about breast cancer, one thing seems perfectly clear. At her stage, very early, her best shot is a double mastectomy. It's never a guarantee, but it's so damn close that it seems like a no-brainer. There are women out there who never had the chance to decide. We know how lucky we are to have this chance.
My wife gets angry sometimes. She gets angry at a society that places so much importance on appearances, and breasts.
I do not want her to lose her breasts. I would not want her to lose her ears, her big toes or any other part of her body. I do not want to see her go through any of this. I do not want her to have cancer. I do not want her to lose her life. Her decision is the right one. I am proud of her.
She says she doesn't like it when people tell her she's brave. She says she's not brave. She says she's scared. I still say she's brave. Many acts of bravery are motivated by fear. It depends on what you do with that fear. She is facing it, head on.
Hey Tommy. I got to tell you this one bro. This morning I sat down in front of the TV with a cup of coffee. Our younger daughter joined me. The Maltese Falcon was on one of the cable channels, she watched it with me. She got a real kick out of Mr. Cairo. He really is a funny character. She thought it was great when Sam Spade took the gun away from him, knocked him out and tossed his wallet. Maybe she gets that from me. She thinks it's great that I'm an ex-cop from Jersey. She's daddy's girl, no doubt.......Catch you later man.
At first I was happy to be recognized for my writing. Conflicted is how I felt next. My wife never reads my blog. I had to ask her to read New Tears. She liked it. She thinks it's good that I'm writing about it. She said it's good that I have an outlet. After sharing this with her, I no longer feel conflicted. I feel honored to have been chosen. It means a lot to me.
I have been trying my hand at this writing thing for several years now. I wrote a novel, that novel sucks. I am trying to write another one, it's on FictionSquared, my other blog. Old cop stories, old war stories. It's all been done before. Now this. Now breast cancer. Now something so real.
My wife wants me to keep going. She wants me to share this. It is certainly not what I want to write about. Breast cancer was never the topic I envisioned myself discussing with Charlie Rose at the big oak table on PBS. One of those daydreams I share only with my wife.
Have to go for now. More to say later. It's birthday dinner day for our older daughter who is nineteen tomorrow, o5NOV......Doing it all today. Tomorrow she's got classes all day, then works at the pharmacy 'til nine o'clock at night......Roast beef, mashed potatoes and green beans with lots of gravy. That's her favorite.
Yes. That was good dinner. After we ate, the birthday girl and her boyfriend went up to the college. She had to take a test on the computer there. They were back in an hour, we had coffee and birthday cake. The girls and the boyfriend are all settled in the living room watching Cabin Boy on DVD. It is a funny movie. My wife just went upstairs to take a nap. She's going back to work tonight at midnight, her regular third shift routine. She's a little bit apprehensive. It's understandable given the circumstances. The doctor said she's clear to return to the plant. I don't want her to go, but I know she should.
Yeah, today is a really good day. We cleaned and cooked and listened to music. Last night things got a little romantic. Our relationship is changing, for the better. We are both looking at each other through new eyes. We are both seeing what it was that brought us together in the first place.
So the doctor says she has time. He says not years, but time. She has to decide when to schedule the next round of surgery. She has to decide when to have her breasts removed.
We have been talking a lot about this. Hours of conversation. I try to just listen, only say something when I have to. These are her decisions, I think she's making good ones. From all that we have read about breast cancer, one thing seems perfectly clear. At her stage, very early, her best shot is a double mastectomy. It's never a guarantee, but it's so damn close that it seems like a no-brainer. There are women out there who never had the chance to decide. We know how lucky we are to have this chance.
My wife gets angry sometimes. She gets angry at a society that places so much importance on appearances, and breasts.
I do not want her to lose her breasts. I would not want her to lose her ears, her big toes or any other part of her body. I do not want to see her go through any of this. I do not want her to have cancer. I do not want her to lose her life. Her decision is the right one. I am proud of her.
She says she doesn't like it when people tell her she's brave. She says she's not brave. She says she's scared. I still say she's brave. Many acts of bravery are motivated by fear. It depends on what you do with that fear. She is facing it, head on.
Hey Tommy. I got to tell you this one bro. This morning I sat down in front of the TV with a cup of coffee. Our younger daughter joined me. The Maltese Falcon was on one of the cable channels, she watched it with me. She got a real kick out of Mr. Cairo. He really is a funny character. She thought it was great when Sam Spade took the gun away from him, knocked him out and tossed his wallet. Maybe she gets that from me. She thinks it's great that I'm an ex-cop from Jersey. She's daddy's girl, no doubt.......Catch you later man.
posted by Squarehead at 12:24 PM
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