A Day.

Worked over last night. Got home a little after 02 this morning. Up at 0800. Drove my daughter up to the campus for her morning classes. At about a quarter before noon my wife and I, along with our younger daughter headed over to the hospital, not too far from the campus. My wife had her scheduled mammogram and ultrasound at noon. So we drop her off, she goes inside. She's nervous. I'd be nervous too. Me and the little baby girl head over to the campus to pick up the big baby girl who gets out at 1210 hours. She has no classes 'til 1430 so we all go back to the hospital and sit in the waiting room while my wife is being clamped into the breast crushing torture device known as the mammogram machine.

The big baby girl is working on math while the little baby girl is working on it with her. Sometimes I think that's why the little one is as advanced as she is. The two of them do school work together all the time. I'm diggin' the moment, my girls and all like that. I'm tryin' to read National Geographic. I'm not doin' a very good job, reading that is.

So my wife comes out at around 1320, she's sore but glad that it's over. She wants Chinese, we all go have lunch together. The big baby girl drops us off at the house and takes the old Jeep back up to the campus for her afternoon classes. She's done with school at 1650,reports to work at 1700. I'm gettin' a ride over to The Dock from this kid I work with for our 1600 shift.

We have to wait for the results. She said they took extra pictures, twice, of the breast that has the two lumps in it. I'm prayin'. Hope I'm doing it right.

A friend told me to keep my mouth shut, that it's about her right now. My friend told me that I can't let it bother me, at least so she can tell it's bothering me. That friend is right. I'm doin' the best I can. It's all about my wife, not about me bein' all emotional and stupid. I think I'm pretty good at hidin' my emotions, most guys are. Now, the stupid part is a different story. I don't have as much control over the stupid part but I'm tryin'.

Hey Tommy, did I tell you I've been losin' my hair?....No, really man. Over the last few months on the back of my head. It looks like Friar Friggin' Tuck and shit.....Yup, I'm gettin' ready to get all Kojac now. Gonna have to buy me an electric razor and hope that old scar up there has faded enough.....No, my wife thinks it'll be cool. She's totally cool with it.....Yeah, thanks bro.....Yeah, I'll let you know.

Run With It.

Hey Tommy, been a while. So I think I'm goin' to write some fiction on this blog....Yeah, I kind of like the last post.....I'm thinkin' since I don't have a whole lot of spare time to write anymore, well I could write right here.....Yeah, the older Baby Girl started college classes today. She finishes up at 1650 hours, has to be at work from 1700 through 2100 hours. The wife and me, we've both been suckin' up all the O.T. we can get......Yeah, writing still has a place in my life, in my heart and soul, but.....The Baby Girls come first. They hold a place in my heart and soul too. That place is deeper, their hold is stronger, Know what I mean?

So I'm thinkin' I'll just clarify each pure fiction post as such, just to avoid any confusion......Yeah, I meant to tell you. Almost five hundred bucks for friggin' freshman college books. What a friggin' scam that shit is.

Yeah. The Parrot is good, dogs are good, The Love Bird is singin' right now. The little baby girl is in the kitchen singin' a Japanese song that she taught herself, in Japanese. She's singin' to The Parrot. He's hangin' out on his perch, had a bath this mornin'......Yeah bro, life is good.

A Metaphor. Numbers 2 and 3.

Jake answered the phone, he was right in the middle of something. So he called back a couple hours later. They were on their way out the door. He figured it could wait. They said it could. So a couple days later he gets an e-mail. He's dying it says.............

They say he wants to see everyone. One at a time. Before he dies. Jake wonders why. They had said all there was to say a couple of years ago. Everyone else wants Jake to go.....

Everyone else is counting on Jake to settle things before the old man passes. Jake figures he's the only one who ever really spoke the truth. Jake figures he's paid his dues, twice already. Jake figures he don't owe the old man any more than that......

They say "assurances will be given"......

Jake doesn't want to walk into an ambush. What kind of assurances can be given to prevent that from happening? It was all so long ago. Everyone needs to step back and think about things. Would it really be good for the old man to hear what Jake has to say? Would it not be best to let sleeping dogs...........lie?..........

Jake knows that honesty is not always the best policy. The old man knows what happened. If the old man no longer remembers, maybe that's best...........

So Jake responds, after thoughtful deliberation. Jake tells them what they need to hear. Jake tells them that it's now on them to speak the truth, or not. Jake tells them he can't do any more than he already has. Jake tells them to be careful what they wish for. If it's an ambush they want, well they should remember who it is they are dealing with. Jake reminds them about paying his dues, twice before, for that old man........

Jake is done with all that, he don't want to play no more. Jake needs to protect himself. Jake knows he'll have to answer for it all some day, just like the old man has to answer for it now. If this is what he'll have to answer for than so be it. If this what Jake will have to answer for, that's okay too........Forgiveness only goes so far..........Jake let it go a long time ago, if they want to believe it or not, really doesn't matter...........

Yeah, so Jake tells them this time it would different. Jake tells them that no one, the old man included, is going to want to hear what Jake has to say........

Just let sleeping dogs...............lie...............

Dixie Fried.

Three decades since those "wise men say".
Thirty years today.
I know where I was when I heard the news.
Where were you when The King left us?

I have to go take a vitamin.
Thank you. Thank you very much.

Oldies And Beer.

Yeah, so I deleted the previous post. It was stupid. I promised myself that I wouldn't let this blog get political and that recently deleted previous post is why. I apologize to anyone I may have offended. It doesn't matter why. That old saying, politics and religion? It's an old saying for a reason. The truth is this. Were I still in service I would be relishing the moment. It's not pleasant but it's true.

Hey Tommy, you know what I'm talkin' about, right?

So my wife found a lump just above her left breast. We went to the doctor's office yesterday. She got home from work around 0820 and took a shower. She detected a second lump in her left breast while in the shower. She was seen by a Nurse Practitioner who expressed some concern. Today we went for a chest x-ray. A mammogram and ultrasound will follow. I can't handle this.......

I hung four pieces of vinyl lattice up on the patio this afternoon, something we've wanted to do for some time. It helps obstruct the view from the alley to the patio and our back door. It provides a modicum of privacy for us, when we want to hang out on the patio that is.

So she's sleeping and I'm finished hanging lattice. I did the dishes and got the house squared away. The older baby girl was working until nine o'clock. The Boyfriend picked her up from work so they could go out. The younger baby girl is reading Harry Potter up in her room. I down two cans of Coors, the yellow cans, not that light crap. I hit the shower and down two more cans of beer. I'm looking at the lattice and I like it. The radio is tuned to the oldies station. I just want to be honest here. So I'm crying.

"Anything you want, you got it.......Anything at all, you got it...........Baby".

Hard to imagine those traveling guys on the oldies station, but..........Focus, is all I can try to do.............Focus.............And it ain't working..............

I can't help but think that she's paying for what I've done in the past. It sounds like bullshit but it's true. Sorry about the language, I just hate that word, cliche. Too often, when you read something, it's all polished and perfect. This is four beers getting sent out into cyberspace. This is the truth........I want to give her anything she wants, I just can't.....We don't even know what the hell it is yet.....

"......getting lost in her lovin' is the first mistake......"

This all sounded so good when I was sitting out on the patio downing Coors and listening to the oldies station.....It would have been easier had I kept living the way I lived before I met her.....

We haven't told the girls anything yet. Nothing to tell.....I took them swimming this afternoon.