Thursday, December 27, 2007

Post, Post, One.

27DEC07. 1519 hrs.

Yeah, so Christmas is over. The tree is still up at our house, will be for as long as possible. Needles are still holding on. I water it every day. It smells so good.

Much has happened around here the last few weeks. Right now I have to go to work, I'll finish this later. I just made rye bread in our new bread maker machine. It came out really good. The younger baby girl and me, we just had some covered in butter. Bread was right out of the pan, steaming when I sliced it. The butter melted like, well it melted like butter. I'll explain more later. Got work to do down on The Dock. I'm going to buy a lottery ticket 'cause it's payday, and I saw a 1967 Scout for sale, good inspection. Later.

28DEC07. 0044 hrs.

Just got home from work. I'm pretty tired. Time for a beer and a cigarette.

28DEC07. 1309 hrs.

Never did have that beer, or that cigarette. Drank a big glass of milk, went to bed.

04JAN08. 1100 hrs.

Have not been here since last year. Wow. Too much to catch up on. Been real busy. Spent the 31st painting our bedroom. My wife does the painting. I'm the helper. Had problems with the computer, security software issues. Got that fixed. Phones here were out last night, must have been the weather. It read five degrees on the bank clock on my way home from The Dock. Warming up some today. Supposed to be close to fifty by Tuesday. I just talked to a tech support guy in the Philippines. He fixed the software problem. He was very nice, very helpful. I can't help but think, how much smaller this Internet thing makes the world. That's a good thing. The Christmas Tree is still up, still lit, still smells great. I'm tired, my wife is too. She worked all night last night. She's out running errands right now. She would work all night then come and paint for half the day. She's been doing this all week. She's great. I'm not worthy. She's been thinking about the next round of surgery. She knows she has to schedule it soon. It's all very scary stuff, she handles it better than I would.

Have to let the dogs out, one at a time. The Big Shep is pacing around, she has to go......Okay, she's outside right now. She will wait at the door when she's done. She won't leave the yard. She's so good that way. The Mutt will go out next. He usually goes first but he was sleeping. She really had to go. The Mutt has to be watched when he's outside. He is so smart, like scary smart. He counts up to four. He barks the numbers. If you say "one" he barks once. If you say "four" he barks four times. If you show him flashcards with the numbers written on them, he barks according to what number he's looking at. He does all kinds of cool stuff on command. Like I was saying, he's real smart, but you can't leave him outside alone, unless you close the gate to the fenced in part of the yard. He'll get himself in trouble.......Okay, I switched dogs. She was standing at the door, waiting to come in. She's a good girl. I had to let him out next, I closed the gate.

I still have to find that one picture I have of my old Shovelhead Glide. The Wide one.

I'm done. I'll write some more stuff later on. Maybe this weekend, maybe not.

Monday, December 24, 2007


To all...........

May peace, settle over this planet.
May peace, fill our hearts with good cheer.
May peace, take no one for granted.
May peace, settle over this planet.

Yeah, I said the first part twice. It may seem altruistic, but that is my Christmas prayer and I'm stickin' to it. I still have hope for this human race. I ain't that cynical, yet.

Friday, December 21, 2007


That's what I'm missing. The Simple. I always do better with The Simple. If I try to think things out, I just get in trouble. This was never meant to be anything else. It was meant to be basic and skinny, The Simple.

I have to try to write again. I have to re-write that book that I wrote. It really is a good story, it's too damn involved. Got carried away with myself. The Simple needs to be applied.

We were at Ollie's the other day. They have a wall of "Dummies" books. My wife got one. "Breast Cancer For Dummies". She knows she can never know too much about breast cancer. It was kind of sad. The last "Dummies" book she bought was "Birds For Dummies" when we got The Parrot.

She pointed one out to me. "How To Get Your Book Published For Dummies". I got it. I've been reading it. I have made so many mistakes. I'm going to start over. Have to try again. No sense giving up.

First I have to pick up where I left off on I also have to finish reading my "Dummies" book. The Simple. Have to apply it every day. The Simple always works, for me.

My wife will be scheduling her next round of surgery soon, after the holidays. They will remove what's left of her right breast. They will remove all of her left breast. Probably more after that, treatment that is.

The shopping is done. We got some nice things for the girls. Santa will be good to them. The Swiss Colony packages arrived. Sausage and cheese. The Petits Fours and candy too. I like the sausage and cheese.

Life is hard enough. The Simple keeps things from getting out of hand.

Hey Tommy. Yeah, The Simple bro, then move on........Hey Tommy, did I tell you my sister sent me an autographed copy of Johnny A's CD?....Yup, it's good stuff. That guy can play the guitar.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

I Just Don't Know.

Where the hell did that last post came from?.....Why would I share that?......Senility......It runs in the family.

No time, have to get ready for work. Just wanted to put that down before I forget.

(Taking the trash out to the alley, taking care of dogs and birds, taking a shower.)

Yeah, so I'm back. Got the ice chipped and scraped off the front steps this morning. Spent some time talking with my wife. She stayed up for a bit, after her overnight shift at the plant, to do some Christmas cards. We were talking about stuff. She's hot.

The Parrot is swinging from his favorite toy. He just stopped and looked at me. Now he's swinging from his favorite toy again. I have to go soon. I have to pick up the younger baby girl down at the bus stop after school. We'll have a little time together, then I have to go to work. She's still doing well in school. Straight "A's".

Time is passing and I can't stop it......I want to save all the perfect moments......I once wished I could change my life......I don't feel that way anymore......Spin around.......Spin around.......Spin around.......

The older baby girl is over in Jersey with her boyfriend. They called from Rockefeller Center before. They had to see the tree. He's never been to New York. She said he loves it. They are with family, it's all good.

What we say, what we do, sometimes hides how we feel......I'm afraid of being afraid.....Franky was right.

So, as I sit here and write this I'm still wondering why I would share that story from the previous post. I think I'm thinking too much. In my case that can be dangerous because I'm not that smart to start with. I'm not fishing for assurances here, it's true. I am kind of stupid. Knowing that is a strength I think....................See? There I go again. Now that makes no sense on so many levels, yet I know what I'm talking about.

Now I really do have to go. Don't worry, I'll be back.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Down That Road.

Hey Tommy. I have to find that picture, the one of you and me. I was thinkin' 'bout maybe scanning it in here, puttin' those black lines 'cross our faces. I know we're covered with cammo paint but still.

Hey, you remember my '81 Softail Shovel? I want to find the only picture I have of that bike. That was my favorite bike. Sometimes I miss that old Shovel. I don't regret sellin' it bro. You know why. I don't think you were there the day Ivan took that picture. Yeah, you were already gone at that point. That was a good day.

So this guy I would go to when I needed work done on my bike, stuff I couldn't do myself, he was a good guy. Probably still is, I just ain't seen him in more than fifteen years. He's a Nam vet, rode with a certain well known motorcycle club and ran a custom chopper shop. It was a nice old grungy hole in the wall. He had a Rottweiler, big as a truck. That dog wouldn't let you behind the counter if C was out back in the shop. Good dog. I think C liked me. I accidently bounced a check with him once and he called down to Pete's bar lookin' for me. I went right over there and payed him cash to cover the bill. I offered him extra in case my bounced check had cost him any bank fees or anything like that. He said it hadn't. I always payed him cash after that. He liked the fact that I had been in the service. He liked the fact that I didn't "act like a cop" when I was off duty. He liked that I rode year round, rain, snow, whatever.

I know he did some federal time because he told me. It was years before I ever knew him. I know he rode with that well known, somewhat notorious motorcycle club because he told me. I never judged him on any of it. We didn't hang out, except maybe a little at his shop when I needed parts, or like I was sayin', some work done. I know he fired a guy who was dealin' a little weed at the shop. I don't think C cared so much about the guy smokin' a little gish, or sellin' some to his friends, but C ran a business. He didn't want that goin' on at his place of business. He told me about that too. I agreed with him. First you get your work done, then you pay your bills, then maybe you party on the weekend. You don't jeopardize another man's livelihood, dealin' grass at their shop.

One day, out of the blue, he asked me if I could get him a cold piece. He figured maybe somethin' I took out of a car on a motor vehicle stop, somethin' like that. That time I did ask him some questions. He said some guys from his past were maybe goin' to give him a hard time. He said all I had to do was leave the pistol in his truck, so there wouldn't be any direct contact between us involving the gun. I told him I'd think about it. I never went back there.

Not long ago I was over in Jersey visiting. I took a ride in my old Jeep and drove past his place. It's got a second story built onto it now. It's all fancy and high end lookin'. I guess he's doin' okay, probably sellin' over priced chrome ponies to yuppies who ride on Labor Day weekend and shit like that. I guess whatever problems he was expecting from those guys in his past didn't come to fruition. The other thing I'm thinkin' is maybe someone was trying to set me up. I know that there were some other cops who didn't like me. I didn't "act like a cop". I didn't walk around all puffed out lookin' to write a million tickets. I didn't get all involved with the PBA. I still hung around with some of my old friends. I liked to ride my Harley and I didn't really care for the police motorcycle club.

I sure hope that wasn't the case. I'd hate to think that C would be involved in trying to set me up. I never did nothin' to him. I never betrayed a confidence. If he got into a legal jam however, well who knows what people will do to save their own asses.

I was surprised when he asked me about a gun that day. Maybe I should have reported it. Like I said, I never went back there. I never did go down that road. I'm glad I didn't.

Catch you later Tommy.

Friday, December 14, 2007



14DEC07 1350 hrs.

With all that's going on, with cancer in the house, I detach. I find myself, at times, farther away from where I should be. I know it's not my thing. I tell myself that it's not my thing, every day.

I look at her face, sometimes I don't hear a word she's saying. I know that happens, but this is different. It's hard to explain. How can you describe something that you don't understand?
That picture was taken in 1978. I was 16. It's me and one of my bikes. It reminds me of those Star Trek scenes where they can't get the transporter to work. Kind of how I feel sometimes lately.
I'm going to stop for now. I'm going to come back to this later. All I have to do is click the blue in color box at the bottom of this screen. The box that reads "SAVE NOW". The box will actually appear to click in, like a real button on a tape recorder or something. It's all fake. It's not a real button. It's barely two dimensional and it exists only in this cyberspace. Were it real, were this computer thing as powerful as we'd all like to believe then I could click "SAVE NOW" and it would. It would save her. It would save her from this cancer. It would save her from the surgeon's life, body, and soul altering scalpel.

To the left of the blue in color "SAVE NOW" button is an orange in color button that reads "PUBLISH POST". I think I'll click that one. I'm not even going to click the spell check button first. Forget about all of it.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Trees, Christmas, Four.

So we went to the nursery on Saturday and got a nine foot tree. It was a little better than nine foot I think. We have nine foot eight inches from the base of the tree stand to the ceiling. We only trimmed a little bit off the top after the tree was in place. It's a nice big fat tree. The lights went on yesterday. Nine hundred little white lights. The gold in color plastic pearl looking beads were draped around it. The big red velvety bow with the four long velvety red ribbons that hang down, sectioning the tree into quarters was hung at the very top. All of the smaller red velvety bows were strategically placed about the tree.

We talked about her cancer on Saturday.

The older baby girl worked 'til nine last night. The boyfriend picked her up and they came here. The younger baby girl, the older baby girl and her boyfriend, and of course my wife proceeded to hang all the ornaments. The Elvis Christmas CD was playing. All the Christmas CD's were playing. I was assembling one of the three artificial trees that will also be displayed throughout the house. Like I was saying, my wife loves Christmas.

I wanted to cry.

So all of the other decorations are up as well. Most of them anyway. The dining room looks great. The garland and lights adorning the drapes, all that good stuff. Ten large plastic bins came down from the attic. Six of them are back upstairs, empty. The rest will be addressed throughout the work week.

She went to work last night, like always on Sunday night. Midnight to eight. I did cry after she left. My daughter wanted to help clear the table, do some dishes. I told her no. I told her I got it. I didn't want her to see me cry.

I just took a break. Coffee and a cigarette. This guy on the radio says that my liver is working overtime this holiday season. He wants me to buy a liver product I guess. Some kind of supplement. How bizarre. Don't forget your liver this Christmas.

So I pretty much cried myself to sleep last night. Like a sniveling baby. I guess it had to be done. I'm so glad she didn't see that. Like I've been told, it's not about me. I can't have her seeing that. We had such a good weekend together. We accomplished so much. On Saturday I went and rented the carpet cleaning machine. She likes to steam the carpets and rugs before we decorate. It's a tradition. I returned it on Sunday. I was listening to the Allman Brothers on my way back to the store. I listened to that song "Wasted Words". I listened to "Trouble No More".

We talked about her cancer again on Sunday.

I know this is all out of order. Chronologically speaking and all. I guess that's what happens. I cleaned The Love Bird's cage on Saturday, while my wife did almost everything else.

Last night, when my wife was leaving for work, I walked her out to the Jeep like I always do on Sunday nights. I had the Jeep running. It was nice and warm for her. She had been saying earlier how she just doesn't feel good. When she got in the Jeep she gave me her winning smile. She told me how she had a really good weekend. She gave me a sweet little kiss. The sweetest kind of kiss. She told me that she loves me with that kiss.

Now I'm wanting to cry again. Now I'm thinking too much. Now I have to go.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Geo. Not The Metro.

So the younger baby girl is participating in the Geo Bee this evening. It will be televised live on the local public access cable channel. We don't have cable, we have a dish. A friend of mine from work is taping it for me, he has cable.

The Geography Bee. I didn't know they had those. I was in a spelling bee once. I think it was third grade. I was eliminated in the early rounds, the word that got me was cat or something.

The little baby girl said that during the elimination rounds leading up to her winning a spot on the team of five, she guessed at the last question, and she got it right. Well, she didn't really guess, not like I would guess. The question was, which state has the most seats in the U.S. Congress? She figured it was either Texas or California. She went with the latter because she figured California has the larger population. She was right. Well, I don't see that as guessing. That's more of an educated guess if you ask me.

I'm taking off from work tonight, I won't get payed but I'm taking off anyway. My wife agrees. Actually it was her idea. I'm going to sit and proudly watch my very smart little girl take part in the Geo Bee. My wife can't go because she has to be in at midnight. She has fourteen hours overtime so far this week. She doesn't want to lose any of that and I don't blame her. At my job we get OT after eight, at hers it's after forty hours. Christmas is coming and she wants to make it as nice as we can for the girls. I know she wants to go. She's doing what she feels is best because she is the best.

[I have to run for now. More about this later: 1620 hours.]

2034 hours. We just got back, the younger baby girl and I. I have to leave in about twenty minutes to pick up the older baby girl at work. She went to work this afternoon, right after she finished classes up at the college for the day. She's almost done with school for this fall semester. One week to go, finishes up finals on the fifteenth, a week from Saturday. She'll be taking the spring off, starting classes at art school in Pittsburgh in the fall.

Yeah, so, this Geo Bee. We had no idea. It's the National Geographic Society Geography Bee. They started this thing about twenty years ago, to promote geography in the schools. The over all winner from each school can then take a written test to see if they qualify for the state level competition to be held in the spring. Winners from the states go to Washington D.C. shortly after for the national Geo Bee, hosted by Alex Trebek. I really hope I'm spelling his name correctly. Alex Trebek is not a name you want to spell wrong, no what I mean?

So, like I was saying. We had no idea. My daughter didn't know, the permission slip I signed didn't say anything about this being a National Geographic sponsored event. Wow, the questions started out pretty easy, they got real hard real fast. It was kids from all three grades at the middle school. She did well but she didn't make it to the next round. It doesn't matter at all. I was so proud to see her up on that stage. We went out for something to eat afterwords. We laughed and she had hot chocolate and ice cream. I had coffee and pie. Boston cream. Good.

She's determined now. She figures she'll get a shot again next year. She's going to read every issue of National Geographic cover to cover every month when it shows up here at the house. It seems that if you win the national Geo Bee, you get a twenty-five thousand dollar scholarship. She says to me over dessert, she says;

"I could use that twenty-five thousand dollar scholarship".

[Have to run again. Have to put some gas in the old Jeep and get my daughter at the store]

Okay. 2117. I'm back. I have to go again, the older baby girl needs this computer to finish a paper. It's fifteen degrees outside. Too friggin' cold for me. The neighbor's dog is stuck to the fence with his leg in the air and a frozen stream of urine securing him to the galvanized chain link. I better go over there with a bucket of hot water, or the oxy-acetylene torch, or both.

2154 hours. The neighbor's dog is safe. I guess the neighbor has a set of torches too. The older baby girl never did sit down at the computer to work on that paper that's sooooo important. She's busy yelling at the boyfriend. She's on her cell phone, he's at school in his dorm, he goes to a different school than she does. He's about an hour away. So she's yelling at him. I tell her to fight nice. I have no idea what's going on. She gives me that look. So I ask her if she wants I should kick his ass. She says yes, with an evil grin. I look at my watch, scratch my head as if I'm trying to make a plan, for kicking his ass. I say tonight's not good for me. I ask her to ask him what's good for him. I leave her alone. They are talking now, I think. I don't hear her yelling anymore.

The younger baby girl is off to sleep now. She has her Zen music meditation CD playing quietly in the background. I just woke my wife up, she asked for another half-hour. She didn't get to sleep 'til late this afternoon. She was up and running to the store, picking out an outfit for the younger baby girl to wear to the Geo Bee. The younger baby girl hasn't gotten any new clothes in quite some time. My wife wanted her to feel confident for the Geo Bee. She was stoked to get some new clothes. She felt totally confident. She had a good time.

Now I'm signing off. The older baby girl is crying on the phone. I can hear her in the living room right now. I don't know why she's crying, but if that boyfriend upsets her I will kick his ass for real. At least I'll want to kick his ass. She can handle that stuff. She's nineteen. It's her life. If she asks me to I will though. Kick his ass that is. I hope she doesn't ask me to, 'cause I really like him. He's a good kid. She won't ask me too, she's not like that. If she asks me to I will though, kick his ass that is.

Hey Tommy. I checked the program they handed out at the Geo Bee tonight. Hey bro, guess what?......I spelled his name right, that's what.......Alex Trebek, I spelled it right......Yeah well, I'm excited.....Yeah, she's still sobbing a little and talking. I can't hear the words but it don't sound angry.......Yes I would. You know I would. I wouldn't want to, and I probably won't but hell yes I would.....Okay, maybe I wouldn't kick his ass. I tell you one thing Tommy, I sure would call him some names though.....Later man.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Keep It.

Went to the store yesterday. Me and the older baby girl. Had orders to purchase photo storage boxes. My wife has been organizing her pictures lately. She takes a lot of pictures. She takes some great pictures. She has a real eye for that sort of thing. She's very visual.

So, my daughter went with me. She was a big help, I didn't get the wrong thing. We also purchased a half dozen washcloths and some spoons. Just spoons. We got twelve of your standard spoon, nothing fancy, just spoons. My wife made that request. Like I was saying, I wasn't about to get into the whole flatware thing again.

One of the guys at work had a heart attack. He's three years younger than me. He's been dealing with high blood pressure for quite some time. He's in very good shape. His father died young, early fifties I think. I guess it runs in the family. He's okay now. He had surgery, they installed these tubes, or shunt type things to keep his arteries open. They say he's coming back to work next week, light duty.

It's snowing and cold. I have to go buy some salt to throw on the steps out front, and the walk out back to the alley.

My wife mentioned her breast cancer for the first time in some time this morning. She's thinking about it a lot. She knows she has to schedule the additional needed surgery. It's good that she's thinking about it. I think about it all the time. I don't bring it up unless she does. It's her thing, I have to let her lead the way.

We saw the articles about overnight shift work and breast cancer. That really sucks. She's been working steady overnight shifts for well over a year now. She's been thinking about it a lot, like I was saying.

My best friend is getting a divorce. He was handed papers yesterday. It's sad. He's upset. He needs to see a lawyer.

Sometimes I really don't like winter.